Balance is something most Americans are really bad at. We work too much, we play too little, we have too few good people in our lives, we shun exercise like it’s the devil, and we are gluttonous with only the most heinous of foodstuffs. I get it. I really do, and I am not preaching that I have all the answers, I don’t, but I can tell you what has helped me be as functional as possible while battling a slew of disorders from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, to migraines, to unexplained GI disorders, to all the mental connotations of dealing with the aforementioned problems for decades at a stretch.
1) Sleep. I know, sleep is for the weak, who needs it? Everyone. Seriously. Schedule an appropriate amount of time to sleep every day and actually do so. I know this is really hard, especially if you suffer from anxiety or insomnia or just overscheduling. But everything starts with a good night’s rest. Your entire immune system needs it, regularly, and for an appropriate amount of time. This will improve you mood, your digestion, your endurance, and your ability to fight off things like the flu or not come down with them at all.An ill-slept person will automatically do much worse with any health issue – I know from years of experience because I am just about the worst insomniac out there.
2) Exercise. I know you’re sitting there going, “Duh, this is what EVERYONE says I need” but it’s true. Even people with Chronic Fatigue, who are notorious for getting worse with exercise need some. For me this has been even harder than sleep because I do get worse when I overdo it, I can set myself back for days or even weeks if I just bulldog my way through something. It’s a horrible situation to be in but gentle exercise is still a necessity because without it your muscles will atrophy and your body will have a harder and harder time doing anything. I was so weak after I was hospitalized at the age of sixteen that when I came home I was winded getting to the end of the street (less than a quarter of a mile of flatland away.) This made my recovery from that lapse so much harder. Your body also needs exercise to sleep correctly so this can be a vicious cycle. Personally I find pacing to be the appropriate exercise for me. It’s low impact and I can do it most days, even if it’s for only a few minutes at a stretch. On good days I am super careful not to overdo it… and to be completely honest I still do from time to time. It has taken me years to figure out what the right balance on this one is but it is possible so, so don’t give up!
3) Food – Food is more than just eating healthy. It’s also about eating just the right amount and on a schedule that lets your body know that you’re not starving. A lot of people in the US have the problem of over eating, with my GI issues I actually struggle with under eating – often it’s because my stomach decides on its own that all food is poison on that particular day. When that happens I live on ice cream, the only thing I can always eat. Am I saying live on ice cream, no, I’m saying if you can’t eat then junkfood is still better than nothing. Nothing will convince your body you are starving and then when you do eat it’ll hang on to every calorie like it’s gold. So yes, under eating can cause unwanted weight gain! Not to mention other problems… so you can either eat on a schedule and stick to it or make sure to graze all day (what my body has forced me to do so don’t feel bad if this is what happens in the end.)
4) Work – So many of us work ourselves to near death for the next paycheck and we have little choice in doing so. This is the brutal truth that’s hard to get around. But whether you work long hours or just don’t take any days off, this amount of work can crush you both physically and emotionally. Schedule time off, genuine fun or “me” time, where you can spoil yourself or relax is crucial. This doesn’t always mean taking a month off for vacation, I know this is rarely an option, but it does mean putting time aside each day to do something you enjoy that’s relaxing – watch a favorite TV show, read a book, talk to a friend, indulge in a hobby, take up an art, take a long bath, or just spend an hour with your phone turned right the fuck off. Yes, that’s right, OFF. Separate your work life from your personal life like oil and water whenever possible. When work bleeds into your personal life it will make you miserable in the long run and miserable people have poorer health.
5) People – Most of us with chronic illness only have a set amount of energy to spend on anything at any one time. This includes social interactions. Even healthy extroverted people will notice a shift in their life when they go from the crazy parties of their youth to more docile interactions. Sure, most will say things like, “I can’t hold liquor like I used to!” but half of that is actually the energy expended on such a large dynamic. Chronic illness can be horrible for a person’s social life. In fact it’s a well studied problem, the likely reason that depression is rife within this community. It can be insanely difficult, if not impossible, to have a social life when you’re going through a lot medically and if you’re already introverted you might be fairly complicit in watching it shrivel up and blow away – but don’t be. I get it, when you have “baggage” it’s harder to find a mate and when you do there’s a tendency to depend on them for all your social needs because that’s the easiest option, but that traps your loved one and this will cause hostility in the future. Or perhaps you, like myself, are single by choice, which is absolutely fine. Either way make sure you have friends or family, someone to share with. There was a point in my own life I had been isolated so badly and for so long I was suicidal so I understand how hard it can be… but we live in a time that has the internet, and support groups, therapists, and other resources. USE THEM. They will be your lifeline, they will help you in ways you won’t even realize until much later. And if you’re trying to keep friends you had on the outside before you had a chronic illness here’s a tip: be positive and don’t make every conversation just about your health struggles even if that’s the only thing you feel you have to share. This negativity and concern will drive people away in droves because they’re concerned for you and probably want to help but can’t… so by droning on about horrible things you’re pretty much keeping them hostage. You can talk about your health just do not make it 100% of every conversation and if you have nothing to say ask them to tell you something about their life. Finally surround yourself with the right people. People who give you joy and energy should be kept at all costs, people who cause drama and make you feel like shit or throw you into a tizzy should be dropped. They will drive you into one relapse after another after another and you do not need that. You need everything you got to fight whatever you have – make sure your batteries are on full to do so!
6) Downsizing. Sadly when we come down with medical issues sometimes we have to give up things we once loved doing, or people we once loved hanging out with, and sometimes that can be really hard to cope with such loss, especially if it’s ongoing. I got sick when I was twelve and I was one of those kids that had my whole life planned. I was going to go to college and become a paleontologist and life was going to be great! Instead I got sick, lost all my friends, was forced to quit school, and life became a series of repeated losses. I won’t lie and say I was fine through the whole ordeal. I wasn’t and am still scarred by a great deal of the experience, but I did learn to cope, to lose with grace and dignity, and eventually I learned how to pick up hobbies and activities I could do instead and surround myself with people who could deal with my chronic illness being such a big part of my life (most couldn’t.) It’s been a looooooong journey. I’m in my thirties now, so I have been dealing with my own health issues for over half my life now. It has taken me this long to figure out how to balance my life for the most part. I know if I slip up on any of these categories I pay for it terribly with either my physical health going downhill or my mental health suffering in response to these stresses. It’s normal to have days where you are frustrated or depressed but we also need to be strong to get through these times. We need to be made of iron. We also need mental flexibility to be happy. Dealing with loss and living in what is ultimately a pretty shitty situation takes a willpower like nothing I have ever witnessed before. Settling for less than we once had (whether it’s endurance, physicality, our old lives, our futures, our once comfortable living situations, or anything else) can break even the strongest among us from time to time, that’s why you will always need someone to talk to. Always. One of the most helpful things I can say to anyone with chronic illness is downsize the activities you need to do – for me this has meant limiting my living space (less living space equals less time spent cleaning and more time doing other things that’s more beneficial to me.) For you this could mean limiting your work hours, asking for help doing certain activities, or a whole plethora of other options. This strategy and continuing to be social when my energy allows has been the two big life changes that have kept me going all these years. The only other thing I can attribute my strength to is my sense of humor. It’s dark and frequently uncalled for but it’s gotten me through the most desperate of situations. If you can laugh at yourself and your situation then all is not lost! And please do not get discouraged if you master all these things and STILL have bad days. You’re going to have bad days. I have a lot of them. I have days where I don’t function at all, where I lay in bed in the dark waiting for a migraine or stomach pain to stop. During those days I accomplish nothing on this list and that’s OK. None of us are perfect and none of us are flame-proof. Sometimes shit happens but hopefully with this skill set you can limit your bad days and relapses to a minimum and maximize your productive moments as I have. When all else is said and done take time to enjoy life, to love yourself, and to take joy in the positives – even if they’re so tiny you sometimes miss them.
Thank you for following me on my journey through life and listening to the wisdom I have gleamed from years of struggle. Here’s hoping this blog may give you peace, comfort, insight, or hope. You are not alone.
