I must admit that when the Corona Virus hit the US it was at the worst time possible for me. After a year and a half “down” where I did almost nothing except go to the grocery and feed store once every 2-3 weeks I was finally working my way back to normalcy. I started drinking a binding agent to get the mold out of my system, I changed my diet, I began to exercise, and I was feeling energetic and anxious to get back out into the world. I was compiling a list of cool destinations to go to so I could resuscitate my travel blog and after being single for three years I finally entertained the idea of perhaps fixing that. I even started to talk to someone! Someone who lives a few hours away, in a different state, and I now can’t meet physically. In fact travel is now off the table for any reason and I am going stir crazy! I want to get out of this goddamn house so bad.
But it’s not just my own health I am protecting by staying put, it’s my parents who I live with. They’re both retirement age and have shittier health than mine. They are exceptionally high risk. I will not be responsible for bringing such a deadly agent home. But that does leave me sitting here, somewhere I don’t want to be, feeling intensely under-stimulated and alone in addition to my usual overwhelming despair that I feel living in a depressed hoarding house. I’m trying everything I can to curb this. I’ve started growing seeds for a garden, I’ve picked up learning French on Duolingo again, I continue to challenge myself to writing a whole book a month, and I am talking to people online. It’s something but I’d be lying if I am not crying out for more.
You see sometimes it’s when we’re feeling our best that our mental health is at its worst. If I was still “down” this entire self-quarantine wouldn’t even register on my radar. It literally would change nothing in my life as far as going out and doing things in the world except make the washing of hands and wearing of protective gear the new normal which is… really not that bad.
So what is going to happen in these upcoming weeks? Well, I don’t know exactly. But I have managed to survive up until this long through droughts of severe isolation, what’s a few more months? I’m practically an Olympic champion at this. RAWR
