Month: March 2019
The Ear Piercing Fiasco that Marred All Living Memory of It
It’s time I tell you all about two ears, a bag of ice, and a sewing needle….
How to Fend off Feral Christian Children
When a stray Christian child keeps showing up like a stray dog I devise a musically ingenious way to make her go away.
Toronto is for Lovers – A Letter to a Pervy Friend
A crudely hilarious letter to send home detailing spring loaded cocks, whoring rubber hands, and ninjas. Oh Canada!
Fond Memories of Killing Off The Hanson Brothers…
What do you mean most children don’t have Barney and the tele-tubbies on a satirical hit list?
When the Torch is Passed Via an Apple Pie
Baking apple pie with my grandmother is a Thanksgiving tradition I will never forget.
Built Maine Tough – The Women in my Life
I was born into a family of rugged pioneering individualists – and they were all women.
Say What? My Oh-So French Teacher
Most people had a favorite teacher growing up. Mine was French and I loved her for her openly disdainful opinion of my peers.
Wife Beater V. Baseball Bat – a Story from the Backwoods of Maine
Sometimes every day heroes come in the form of a stringy 20-something year old woman weilding a baseball bat.
Camp Grenada Had Nothing on Ferry Beach
When I was ten years old I was given a penpal from one town over. The reason for this was simple. In the following year I would…
When Going to Dive Pet Stores was a Form of Entertainment
When I was growing up one of my favorite things to do was to go to little mom and pop pet shops that were scattered…