There and Never Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord – Jeff Mach

I guess the trick to finding awesome debut indie books on Twitter is going for things that actually look interesting rather than just flat out asking, “So, who has something for me?” I mean expanding my horizons into different genres was fun and all but these last two books, which I chose freelance style, were just brilliant!

This book will be deeply appreciated by adults who were once labelled “gifted children” – you know the ones given copious amounts of English literature who curiously also curated fondness for villains. You can’t really blame me for picking this newborn book up and just loving it because it combines everything I adore into my favorite genre – satire.

The story is exceptionally light on plot but that doesn’t seem to hinder it much. Basically it’s 200+ pages of a loquacious super villain pontificating upon their existence while besmirching the reputations of elves and unicorns which I must say is hilarious and weirdly cathartic to read alloud. It’s narrated by The Dark Lord who is telling a story about how The Chosen One is out to kill them. It ruminates on the nature of good and evil while highlighting the futility of kingdom politics. And through the over-the-top completely egotistical narration there are glimmers of quite profound observation like this, “Individual humans may be wise; large groups of humans have the intellect of rocks, if rocks had the capacity for spite, petty jealousy, and a desire to be entertained by the misfortunes of poorly dressed celebrities.” But of course it’s not all about humans, there’s also helpful notations about the gluten intolerance of trolls, the pompous PR shenanigans of elves, a warning that unicorns are sparkling with hate, and a brief summary on the suicidal nature of the last pair of not-quite-mated dragons.

This book seems to be a combination of influences. I can see in it the whimsy of Roald Dahl, the totally random humor of comics like Eddie Izzard and Douglas Adams, the weird undercurrent of anger befitting Terry Pratchett, and the outrageous overblown dramatics of a 1960’s gay super villain. With that all being said I will say this book is not for everyone – it’s for the twisted and the strange. People who do not get satire will not understand or like this at all. But hey, there’s plenty of us out there who’d eat this up! It was a brilliant debut novel and I wish only the best for this newbie author’s future. If you’d like to check it out for yourself it can be purchased on Amazon by clicking this link.

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