When I heard there was a book coming out about being a second generation polyamorous American I couldn’t help but jump at the opportunity to pre-order it. And I am super satisfied I did so!
For those out of the know polyamory is when an individual decides to pursue multiple relationships at the same time with everyone staying completely informed. It’s an alternative to society’s usual expectation of monogamy. In this book we got to read about what it was like being raised in a household with both biological parents in addition to a series of other parent-like figures and a gaggle of “siblings,” some related by blood and some not. When I first started reading I found her descriptions of who was who and why they were there was…. daunting. Even with an illustrated chart I was failing to keep sufficiently focused to figure it out and sort of felt like I was taking an advanced math class I wasn’t ready for. And with fleeting mentions of being nonbinary (neither identifying as female nor male) I can see why this book might be instantly overwhelming to some. However it got a lot easier from there!
The rest of the book focuses on the things her parents and their various other nesting partners and lovers did right in raising the children of the household. It’s a fascinating look in how to create a stable environment for children living within a community. She talks about how the adults avoided the kids getting their way by asking only specific adults certain permissions (we’ve all seen this – if mom says no ask dad!) It goes on at length about keeping the lines of communication open for everyone and it also talks about growing up in a sex positive household where age appropriate information is given in little bundles. It painted a sweet but not perfect picture of this alternative life and the consequences of it (some of the negatives being the secrecy they had to maintain while in school or in the public.)
I found it a very well thought out and inspiring little read. And I absolutely adore the fact that for quite a large stint of time from leaving the nest to finally getting settled into adulthood our writer shows herself to be quite a hot mess! That was an intense thought process she seems to constantly be going over in her head and it talks a lot about completely separate issues like evolving as a self and learning what to keep and get rid of as far as our own social conditioning. It went through all this with grace, humor, and at times tinges of humility. Maybe I’m fond of it because I find myself in many similar situations but it was just a lovely read. It gives me hope for my own future! But in any event I think this is a great place to learn about the psychology and basic functioning of a polyamorous household. I would suggest it highly for that.
Click the link if you’d like to buy This Heart Holds Many: My Life as the Nonbinary Millennial Child of a Polyamorous Family.