You can get away with anything in this country if you happen to have these three very important features: pale skin, a dick since birth, and heap loads of sweet, glorious cash. OK, so maybe the cash is the most important part of that equation but getting to that point is most certainly helped by that whole pale white dick thing. Which makes no sense because none of these men get their money directly from their dicks. They’re not like really popular porn stars or high rolling prostitutes or something. And yet… they seem to have magic trouser trouts. Don’t believe me?

Just imagine you’re sitting down eating breakfast, mindlessly scrolling through the news on your phone when the newest outrage pops up. It reads Billionaire Found Eating Babies for Breakfast! At first you’re thinking, “OK, this is clearly click bait. These couldn’t have been real babies… it’s probably gummy babies or some stupid shit.” But curiosity killed the cat so you sigh deeply and click on the article to see what the twist is and you’re horrified because that fucker was actually eating real babies. For breakfast. Lathered in BBQ sauce. The whole shebang.

“This is HORRIBLE.” You yell, your stomach churning. “This one’s going down. No one is going to let this piece of shit off the hook for eating babies.” And the comment section mirror your disgust. There’s a hailstorm of outrage and at work everyone is talking about it. For once you believe someone in the upper echelon is going to actually pay for their crimes.

But then lunchtime comes around and there’s this quiet murmur of commentators underneath all the disgust. They read, “Well he is a billionaire. He had to earn his place as one. Maybe he’s earned his right to eat babies too.”

At first you’re like, “Fuck the trolls!” and everyone else is too but that murmur gets stronger and stronger until it’s screaming over the crowd. By dinner the discourse is more complex and the people in favor of the billionaire are now coming up with reasons why eating babies could be a good thing. Maybe these are his babies and he’s just taking them out of this world like he put them into it. That’ll show em! Or maybe these are unwanted babies and he’s doing everyone a great social service. Or perhaps it’s a great conspiracy and all the babies on the menu are future Hitlers predicted by the algorithms.

Before you know it that’s all anyone is talking about. Even his lawyers which get paid a crapton. And by the time the trial goes through he’s somehow either given a year in jail or released all together with a not-so-stern warning, “Don’t eat any more babies.” But we all know he’s going right back to the buffet the second he gets home because that’s what being rich, white, and male, will get you. Don’t believe me? How many serial killers do you know that were millionaires or billionaires? Not a single one. Statistically speaking that’s not even possible. Do you really think excessive wealth makes you less likely to be a serial killer? Or does it just allow you the opportunity to pay away any and all problems? Dump those bodies in the middle of your 500 acres in the woods and no one will find them. Hell, you can get a few servants to do it and pay them off. Or just find some cops to pay off.

At the same time the infamous baby eating trial is going on there’s an uproar about the latest female political candidate. She wore white after Labor Day and now there’s so much moral outrage over her disrespect of fashion rules (AND AMERICA) that we’ve worked ourselves into a frothing angry mob and she’s filtering out death threats in her e-mail.

But yeah, tell me how the system is still fair. I just want to live in a society where people are judged first and foremost on their humanity – not their sex, gender, sexuality, race, creed, or any other feature that may mean everything or absolutely nothing, but by how decent an individual they are. And suddenly I came face to face with my biggest reason for all my turmoil over gender. I joined the nonbinary masses as a way to reclaim my humanity.