Today I am going to regale you with a hilarious story ripped out of the pages of art history. I know what you’re thinking, “Are you serious?” YES. YES I AM. This story has everything – sex appeal, blasphemy, questionable hiring practices, and a lot of tongue-in-cheek humor. So here we go!

Picture this: the scene is the 1840’s in Liege Belgium. Here the Cathedral of Saint Paul lavishes its parishioners with a gorgeous sinuous double staircase adorned with only the most luscious Gothic flair. Still as decadent as the staircases were there seemed to be something missing, perhaps something could be placed at their base to sew the whole thing together. This is when the church decided that a statue was in order so they hired Joseph Geefs an accomplished marble sculptor. His commission was to create a statue of Lucifer the fallen angel which he did in his masterpiece L’Ange du Maal [The Angel of Evil.] According to some Lucifer was the most beautiful of all the angels. I say beautiful, and not handsome, because in another odd twist angels weren’t historically always sexed. In fact there’s a long tradition of androgynous angels that are neither male nor female. Whether or not this had anything to do with the final work of art is hard to determine but what we do know is that Geefs did a bang up job.

L’Ange du Maal was breathtakingly beautiful. Here a very human looking Lucifer sat seductively on a rock, barely clad, bare chested, a tumble of cloth coyly covering only the most intimate of parts, his feminine hair curling softly over his shoulders, his face sullen and looking down, his feet crossed in a quiet feminine pose, all framed with a giant pair of bat wings. Perfection. It was 1842 when this heart stopping wonder was installed in the St Paul Cathedral. And that’s when things get… comical.

Our gentle fallen angel brought immediate controversy to the parish. He was too beautiful to represent the devil and worse still he was distracting, specifically to all those chaste unmarried girls. Or at least that’s what they said publicly. Privately it’s probably a wise bet to assume Lucifer was probably also super distracting to men of a different persuasion in addition to all those penitent young girls. Hell, with those rock hard abs who isn’t he distracting to?! The church decided they couldn’t keep going on preaching the gospel with such a hot Satan pouting in the corner. He was giving those young girls ideas, ideas their future husbands would never live up to. He had to go away. And so the church took him down. But this left a big sad empty space where he once nobly sat.

So the church commissioned another statue but in a strange and perhaps terribly questionable decision they chose Geef’s brother Guillaume to remake the masterpiece… You know similar but less distracting. That’s when Guillaume stepped up to the plate and created his own masterpiece Le Genie du Maal [The Genius of Evil.] Now I don’t know what Geefs was thinking or where his standing was in the church but I think it’s fair to say he wasn’t content with the decision to sack his brother’s hard work. Maybe that’s why he appears to have used the same delectably gorgeous model for his sculpture. Far from making it less distracting Geefs took his brother’s inspiration and ran with it making his version even hotter.

Now with terrifying hyper realism this returned Lucifer sat in an even more seductive pose. Rifling one hand through his luscious hair he still looked sternly at the floor in deep concentration perhaps plotting an escape because now instead of a dead snake lying at his feet he was wearing shackles and chains. His legs were now slightly parted, as if he’s ready to get up and start fretfully pacing. And the wings – oh shit the wings! Now they were adorned with life-like veins. And just to add the right amount of devil into this statue Geefs sharpened his toenails into pseudo talons.

Because of all this my own heart pitter-patters for both the Geef brothers’ wit as well as their masterpieces themselves. I’m filled with so many questions! For one who was the model and what was his take on being hired to sit in for Satan twice? Did he ever see the statues? Was he known to the brothers somehow other than as a model for this one project? There’s no answers. At the time models were not thought highly of and were frequently prostitutes so it’s possible he was merely plucked off the streets for being beautiful. If that’s the case the statues he left after his death were a hell of a calling card. In fact the statue is still getting attention today! Satanists like to meditate at his feet asking for damnation from their anti-savior. This has become such a problem the church is considering excommunicating a statue. Well, if they do I hope he finds a good home where he’s appreciated because damn! I wouldn’t mind swinging by to say hello one of these days…