One of my favorite gender bending tales goes back to Norse legend. It has all the big names of the time – Odin, Freya, Loki, and enough bizarre subplots and oddness to make it into a fantastic cult classic.
It all started when a mason entered Asgard to throw the greatest sales pitch ever. He could build the gods a magnificent wall around Asgard to protect them from anyone who may want to kill them. All he wanted in return was the sun, the moon, and the Goddess Freya’s hand in marriage. There was a lot of rumblings about this, most thought the conditions were too steep, probably most especially Freya. However Loki, probably in search of some entertainment on a slow news day, suggested that they could hire this mason to build the wall with the stipulation that he wouldn’t be paid if he didn’t finish it in three seasons. There was no way he could finish it that fast so the gods would be able to get most of a wall built without paying and if not… chaos and terror would reign and the gods would all be dethroned. No biggie.
As was expected the mason built the wall painfully slowly but then he asked if he could use his horse to help him along. Seeing how miserably he was struggling the gods agreed and he showed up the next morning with a magical stallion. This stallion had remarkable speed and was able to help build the wall all on his own. The pace picked up wildly and the gods began to rethink their deal. That’s when Loki was called.
“You idiot! The stone mason is building the wall fast enough to finish it in time! We’re going to lose the sun and the moon!”
“AND ME!” angrily yelled Freya from the background.
“Oh yeah, and our uh… beloved… Freya. You got to do something about this!”
“Why me?”
“Because you are the one who convinced us this was a good idea! You have to get rid of that damn horse!”
“FINE.” Loki stormed off in a huff, with all the begrudging obedience of a seventeen year old three days before his birthday.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Loki’s going to go out and in typical Mafia boss style he’s going to stage an epic accident where that poor stallion plummets off a cliff, or gets crushed by falling rocks, or otherwise meets a tragic end. That would be what most people would do when hired to get rid of such an animal. Not Loki. Instead Loki took a deep breath and morphed himself into a beautiful mare. It was a make love not war kind of moment when he zapped himself down to the wall that evening and seduced the stallion into the bushes. The stallion broke free of his reins and ran full speed towards his new hot date. They ran and ran and ran until everyone either lost interest in watching or couldn’t stomach the scene any longer.
The stallion never returned. Loki did however, vaguely about two years later, back to his usual masculine human form, dragging behind him an eight legged foal.
“Yours I presume?”
Loki sheepishly grinned.
“Dammit Loki, I told you to get rid of that stallion, not fuck it!” That was such an awkward outburst at the dinner table that no one else ever bothered to ask what did happen to that poor stallion? Everyone whispered rumors among themselves. Perhaps he ate it in post coital joy like a praying mantis. We will never know.
And then Odin took this illegitimate monster offspring and used it as his own personal steed. Because that’s what family is for. And if you’re wondering what happened to the stone mason then be comforted in the fact he failed at building his wall. This could have been due to the lack of his magical stallion but more likely it was due to the fact the gods discovered he was a giant, not a human, and Thor bust his skull open with his mighty hammer. I know, you’re probably wondering why he didn’t do that in the first place. All I can say is that sometimes even the gods are a bit touched in the head, especially my favorite divine fuck-up, Loki.
