Achilles’ earliest childhood memory was more a feeling of terror than any actual image. It was the sensation of water, ice cold river water, whooshing over his head and body as his mother Thetis held him deftly by the ankle, as new mothers often do with their infants. She wasn’t trying to kill him, honestly, her actions were borne out of love and a pretty good dose of misguidance. Perhaps even then she’d put a little too much heed into what the soothsayers told her but what’s a little gullibility in the long run?
Phobias are often rooted in childhood, it’s true. Still, Achilles was ten years old and tired of being teased. It was time to man up and finally learn how to swim. Patroclus had spent that entire summer afternoon preparing his best friend for such a harrowing feat. The two had gathered an enormous pile of anything and everything that could float and had painstakingly decorated Achilles with each item. He wore a safety vest and floaties which clashed rather loudly with the half of a child size scuba suit they found. Really it was just the snorkel, the goggles, and a pair of preposterously ill-fitting flippers which were now angrily whacking the marble floor like a duck trying out for a percussion band.
By the time Achilles made it to the banks of a local lake he was already exhausted. This was most likely due to the fact he adamantly refused to remove his flippers and had taken the entire journey one awkward slap-step at a time. The two of them had spent a whole week preparing for today. Achilles was so petrified of drowning that he and Patroclus had constructed their own safety device to make sure this could never happen. It consisted of a tree branch, a pulley, and a long rope looped around Achilles’ waist that threaded through the pulley and back onto the shore where Patroclus grasped the other end. In the event of emergency it’d only take one little tug to hoist Achilles out of the water.
Standing on the bank with a pained expression on his face Achilles dramatically pulled down his goggles and asked Patroclus one more time.
“Are you sure it’s safe?”
“Of course it is! I swim here all the time!”
“And you’re sure there are no monsters in that water waiting to pull me down?”
“Only eels…”
“What?!”
Patroclus never was good at judging when to make a joke or when to be supportive. “I’m KIDDING. There are no eels! Just jump in! It’s fun! Really!”
“But what about the rip tides?!”
“The what?”
“You know those underwater hurricanes that suck people to their deaths.”
“….I don’t think those are real.” Not like Bigfoot anyway. Those clever monsters seemed to be everywhere and nowhere all at once.
“Are you sure sure??”
“YES!” And that’s when Patroclus lost his patience and pulled on the rope as hard as he could. Achilles feet soared off the ground as he whooshed backwards towards the lake, his eyes displaying abject horror as the branch holding this make-shift pulley snapped and sent him colliding into deep water. Water exploded in all directions as Achilles screamed bloody murder.
“Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!” Patroclus knew he wasn’t supposed to swear but this seemed the most opportune moment. Besides he was fairly certain his best friend in the whole wide world was about to die, gurgling and thrashing, because of his crazy pulley idea and his slipshod workmanship. Suddenly it occurred to him, he still was holding the rope. With that he ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction of the lake, pulling with all his might like he had just caught a Great White. It felt like it as the rope tugged ferociously against his best efforts. Before he knew it he was far away and the sound of frantic splashing had stopped and was replaced by a flurry of curses befitting only the most malcontented of sailors. It seems Achilles was out of the water now but still being dragged across the rocks and the dirt by his overzealous rescuer.
“STOP!! For the love of Zeus STOP!!”
Achilles was pretty bloodied up after this little escapade. His little dip in the River Styx made his skin impenetrable to mortal wounds but oddly little abrasions like these were still very much a thing in his life. That’s not to mention the bruises! By now he looked like he’d miraculously survived an attempt at Poena cullei, the criminal punishment for father murders where some poor sod would be sewn into a leather sack with a rooster, a dog, a snake, and a monkey before being lobbed into a river to drown. Thetis was not amused. This wasn’t the first time her son’s accident prone bestie had somehow managed to almost kill him.
“WHAT HAPPENED?!”
Patroclus just looked sheepishly up at Thetis, a tinge of rouge finding its way to his cherubic cheeks.
“We thought Achilles should learn how to swim…”
“AND?”
“…And…we were not successful?”
Achilles glared at Patroclus.
“It’s fine mom! I’m FINE, TOTALLY FINE!”
It wasn’t until late that evening when Thetis was tucking Achilles into bed when she got the real story.
“Why is it so important to you to learn how to swim?”
“I don’t know, maybe because my mother’s a sea nymph and the fact I can’t swim is embarrassing? All the other kids make fun of me for it. I’m the only one my age who is afraid of water!”
“Oh sweetie, just because I’m a sea nymph doesn’t mean you have to be great at swimming. Lots of kids grow up to be something completely different than their parents and I will love you no matter what. Even if you stay on land for the rest of your life.” She smiled softly down at her son, running her fingers through his messy hair. He’d always be perfect in her eyes.
“I know that but I still want to. I want to travel the high seas and see the world!”
“There will be plenty of time for that. You’re young! You’re healthy! Just enjoy your life! Even if it’s just for me. OK?”
“OK…”
If you enjoyed this chapter Achilles in Heels has been published and can be bought on Amazon!