You know it’s funny, when I started writing fiction many years ago most of my characters were composed of pure imagination. They bore little relevance to my own life, personality, or experiences, and whenever I was told that fiction novels are basically the writer working through some shit I was dubious. The creative process isn’t that obvious. Main characters aren’t just the author wearing a cheap disguise…
And for the most part I agree with my teenage self in all this but now that I am writing at a more professional capacity I am finding something odd happening. It’s not just pure whimsy anymore, tiny flecks of my own strange existence keep knocking down the doors. This is seen most obviously in the fact the Fairy of Gender Fuckery keeps tapping me on my shoulder as I write.
Traditionally I have only written very white bread sort of characters to appeal to larger audiences. The only odd thing about them is they have always been male because despite having tits and a twat I always have failed miserably at writing believable female characters. Even so my male leads have all been cis, straight, and rather disinterested in gender politics, but then I found myself writing a story about a fallen angel and as I did my research I learned there is a fascinating duality that angels (and demons) have that claim they have no gender or can switch at will. It wasn’t long before I’d built key components of my story around this and the more I did so the more gender fuckery cried out to be written. With the duality in the sexes being such a key theme I ended up not just changing his gender to a more fluid state but also his sexuality because that just seemed to fall in line. By the end of the book I felt like I’d taken myself on a wild ride! Several characters endured sex changes as I got deeper into writing and soon things started to take a very feminist turn. I ended up writing about the birth of misogyny as told by Lucifer, now a Lucy. And because I was already deep deep into this rabbit hole I was already in a weird mind space when I was asked to write a short story for an anthology. Somehow this resulted in me writing a gender bent Cinderella where Cinderella was actually a little boy. I wanted to know how that’d change the story and shiiiiit, I learned a lot along the way!
This month I have decided to work on my novel about the strange and unusual childhood of Achilles. Now, I knew this would have a lot of gender fuckery because Achilles’ mom thought it’d be a great idea to shove him in a dress sometime around puberty and hide him with a harem of princesses to avoid the draft. That’s how the story actually goes. I am not changing any details I am just retooling it to make it a more readable (more light-hearted and funny) story to modern audiences. I decided a long time ago that Achilles was a boy’s boy and this would all be a massive farce. What I did not realize is that in writing Achilles I see a lot of myself in him. I was never a teenage boy but I felt the same way he does about being forced into feminine dress and activities. Living through him I have been able to explore my own nonbinary nature extending into my tender youth. It’s been alarming, freeing, funny, sad, all at the same time and I don’t know what to make of this.
And it just keeps going. Next month I have a science fiction story slated that explores the rise of a society where men are outnumbered by women by such a wide margin that they are forced into one particular role in society – glorified sperm donors. How would this change things? Would the fabric of society be different? What would the politics look like? Would it be a more peaceful society? What would happen if men were kept in their place? It’s a mindfuck to me to be working on it and I am sure that I will be learning as I go along just as I have the last two.
Suffice to say gender norms have been a source of constant thought for me since I was first conscience of the difference between boys and girls but I never aimed to add this to my writing. And although I am an egalitarian feminist I also had no intention whatsoever of making these arching themes in my stories. I wasn’t looking to outdo the Handmaid’s Tale… seriously, gender fuckery and arching feminist themes are niche and have a fervent band of follows but it’s a small community. I had my hopes set on writing for a broader population… but I guess that’s not fated or perhaps I can straddle two worlds and try to let both communities in.
I don’t know what I will be working on beyond those projects but what I can say is that as I find my writing voice I am also finding my own and it’s been…. quite an experience!