As of late I have been trying to really stretch my wings and do things I wouldn’t normally do. This has included everything from trying to grow gourmet mushrooms to reading books from genres I normally don’t touch with a ten foot pole. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with these genres, they’re just not my cup of tea. And it’s a shame because two of those genres are romance and erotica whose writers I often find delightful and witty. I follow a good deal of them on Twitter and feel really bad I will merely enjoy their colorful tweets without ever reading their books.
This all got me thinking. Why is it I abhor romance so much? For disliking it so strongly I’d never actually read one. Could this be some sort of PR problem within my own mind? The obvious answer might be it has something to do with sexuality and I’m just being a prudish snob but that’s not really it either. A good sex scene in any other genre doesn’t make me flinch or uncomfortable, in fact sometimes it’s enjoyable. So what then? What is stopping me?
I realize romance has a terrible reputation as cheap mindless entertainment – trashy books you can get a dime a dozen to fulfill some primal need. I’m not one to judge. Still the idea of them being written for deeply unsatisfied housewives somehow makes me terribly sad which isn’t a great motivator to go further. And then there are the covers. Suffice to say as sex positive as I am I wouldn’t exactly want to be caught reading something quite so obvious in public. I have my limits. However in picking up one of these books I realized none of this was the reason for my seemingly endless distaste for the subject matter. In fact it ran much much deeper.
I figured it out when I did pick up one of these books and started reading. It was a really well written book – the characters were fleshed out, there wasn’t any grammatical or spelling errors, the descriptions were quirky and fun, I was endeared to the female lead, and the overall story was quite creative! I liked all of it. Except the romance part. WHY?! Is my heart so encrusted with trauma I hate to see a little love?! No, actually that was the exact opposite of what was going on. My stomach was churning because it was following an all too familiar trope. Virginal Girl meets Boy who has obvious glaring issues. Boy treats Girl like shit. Boy threatens rape repeatedly. Boy actually does rape, or is it? Because by now Girl is totally into it. Boy realizes he’s madly in love with conquest. Boy and Girl run off to become disciples of Cthulhu. Just kidding, there was no bat winged octopus God… but that would have made it more interesting!
I am not here to kink shame – if this is your thing that’s fine, but is this really the best we can do as women writers, just perpetuating this patriarchal nonsense?! If I am to read a romance about a heterosexual couple I want the woman to fall in love with a man who deserves her, who treats her with respect, who has a connection that’s deeper than a rape fantasy. I have asked this before and I am just told that’s not a story – that it needs drama and tension and antici………pation. But can’t those things exist within a healthy respectful relationship?? And where are the books about sex positive women who just like to fuck?? They are WAY more interesting than virgins!
I also find myself following a lot of lesbian and bisexual women and nonbinary writers. They have a tendency of saying things like, “I wrote a sci-fi that includes romance but it isn’t a romance” or “I wrote a fantasy about two badass chicks who have adventures together and eventually fall in love.” I find this fascinating they too have a need to distance themselves from the idea of a pure romance novel, not because they loathe romance, but because they don’t want the stink of the genre following them around. I get that too. Historically speaking lesbian romances have been written by heterosexual white men which is a whole other pile of ick. My point is these writers are people who chronically talk about how they actually want more romance in stories, not less, so clearly it’s not some sort of issue with sex or sexuality here.
That brings me to gay male writers. What are they up to? How do they frame characters in romance novels? I have no idea. I may follow a few of them but not consciously. (I like to follow anyone who I see as intelligent or funny regardless of anything else.) The only thing I recall reading repeatedly is, “We need more books with gay characters who AREN’T struggling with being gay.” That seems a fair and legitimate point. At this point in history we’re just flogging a dead horse to repeatedly write the whole hidden-in-the-closet-because-someone-might-beat-me-to-death trope. So is that what gay romance is mostly comprised of? I have no idea. I’ve never read anything even remotely close. I’d feel a bit voyeuristic if I did. But with that being said…
I’m starting to wonder if I shouldn’t conduct a little experiment in reading. I have already read a romance by a heterosexual cis woman about a hetero normative pairing so I can see what that had to offer me. Now I would like to read a romance by a heterosexual cis man about the same kind of pairing except I don’t want it to be good. I want it to be godawful, the worst anyone could recommend just so I can keep myself entertained. I want the woman to boobily walk down the stairs with her air missile tits. You know, shit like that, to at least make it worth my while! As an accidental comedy… Then I want to read a lesbian love story, written by a lesbian. And then a gay male romance written by a gay man. Then I want to come back here and tell you all if I’ve learned anything…
And that leaves me with the audience participation. Who out there wants to recommend a book from one of these categories? Speak up now or forever hold your peace!
PS – Googling “worst romance novel covers” is one of the best games EVER.